Men's Place In The Circle Of Life

During this time of great Global Change we, as men, are finding ourselves in need of new patterns, new paradigms, new ways of relating to each other and to our families. For too many generations, we have been encouraged to be “tough guys”, “the Boss”, “Father Knows Best”. But we know it doesn’t work that way! We find ourselves constrained and crippled by pretense. Too often we find that instead of becoming clearly obvious leaders, men have grown to be adult children without a clear understanding or appreciation of the responsibilities, expectations and rewards that are thrust upon us, often resenting the “chains” rather than reveling in the wonder of the opportunity.

Modern men, in conventional society, keep looking to be recognized, to arrive somewhere, but there is no one occasion or ceremony where we stand up and say “Here I am, now I walk as a man among the people.” Marriage, one of the few milestones intended to mark the arrival of adulthood, often finds us as adult children who are expected to supply answers from mature viewpoints, something we are ill-prepared to provide. A rite of passage doesn’t give men answers automatically but opens them to find assistance from the social structure in assuming a new viewpoint in a society.

Through rites of passage and initiations we are welcomed, aided, and accepted by our uncles, fathers, grandfathers, brothers and friends who provide a framework and a system to understand that growth is a continual process. In fact, these rites of passage or initiations are breakthroughs that mark important steps in an individual’s growth to a point of full responsibility in society. Constant support and connection to the reserves of wisdom and experience that are available through peers and elders is provided through regular gatherings, sharings, or “circles”. Coming together as men to share our thoughts, feelings and concerns is a necessary and important step in establishing and maintaining this healthy social continuum.

The full moon is a powerful time to gather for such a circle. However regular sharings are necessary to provide the nurturing and support that is essential to balanced and continual growth. There are men’s circles happening more frequently. Why is a circle such an effective tool?

In a circle all sit as equals; no one position more important than another. There are no sides to take or defend.

All viewpoints in a circle are valid. Each represents an aspect of the truth and therefore everyone can feel secure and comfortable expressing their own “truth”.

The wisdom that comes from a circle is much greater than the sum of all the contributing view points.

Everything that is brought to the circle is honored by the participants and therefore this creates an environment of security where we can feel free to expose and resolve personal and critical issues and concerns.

A circle has no beginning and no end; it is ongoing. The strengths that we find from a circle can be continuously carried and applied to our day to day lives.

Drumming, rattling and storytelling are effective tools in men’s circles for helping us discover our strengths, explore our common ground and to get in touch with our inner selves. We need to be role models for each other. What would we want in an ideal father or uncle, or the perfect brother? We can all respect someone who admits to not having all the answers, but is willing to explore. And one who is supportive of another’s dreams, desires and growth.

Our role in the world is as fathers, brothers, uncles, husbands, and sons. We need to fulfill the position of “father”. Become the Patron of the family nucleus. Take the message of being sacred and holy, and pass it on to the children and wife. To be the priest. To bless, to teach, to serve and be a clear vessel of the light of God Almighty. Our family is also everyone around us, so we take this gift out to all our world. After all, where does our world end and another begin? In ongoing articles we’ll explore in more depth these issues and suggest how men’s circles can be conducted.

Steve Jones, Tim Jones, Ron Hartwell

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We have Men’s Circles every full moon starting at 7:30 p.m. E.S.T.